I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
