update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
