So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Alive.
So much puke
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
