Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize