We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
