i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
