if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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