you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize