Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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