I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I don't deserve a penis
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
