I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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