i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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