You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize