So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
