we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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