My room smells like vodka and shame
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
