watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
We smell like vodka and hangover
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
