Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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