He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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