Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
i believe in u and ur pee
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