That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
