i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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