would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
