i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
