I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
