Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
