All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
