i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize