Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
did i walk over a car last night?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
