my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
