It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I wear drunk well.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
