ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize