captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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