He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
