Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
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