A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
