Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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