he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize