If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
this hospital has no fireball
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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