apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
