If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
