apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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