If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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