What did we do last night that was yellow?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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