just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
