my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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