hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
