Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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