shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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