I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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