Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
