i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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