I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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