when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
