is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
