Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize