the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
