did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
