can u get pink eye on your cock?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
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