He had one of those small greek statue penises
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
