sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
