When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
