Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
