I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
