I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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