Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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