I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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