is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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