How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I just found a bag of teeth...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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