drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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