i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize