Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
