After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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