I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
